“pick me, choose me, love me.” are the words she wanted to scream at him as she stood there before him, her world seemingly crashing around her, her heart beating so slow it was as if it would stop at any minute.
“Its you, it has always been you, and it will always be you” are the words she hoped she would hear him say but alas, they were not to come and so she turned and walked away into her happily never after.
Growing up, I must admit I was one of those kids that lived for the fairytale. Cinderella, Snow White, all spoke of personal pain and suffereing and happiness in the end. So naturally, I was one of those kids that hoped to be rescued from my evilnstepmother or whatever bondage I had to unhappiness by my very own dashing prince charming and we would ride on in the sunset to our happily ever after. Not on a white horse of course but maybe in a ferarri. But sadly the bitch that is growing up makes you ralise that it is all but a dream. Plus I came to be realised that I was too fiercly stubborn and independent to be ummmm ‘rescued’.
So I grew up, but sadly instead of actually erasing the fairytale dream from my life, you would think that this was the end of my dependence on others and the birth of a fiercely independent female who needed noone for self validation, ego feeding and all that, but alas, I merely replaced it with the dream that one day someone would come into my life and put me first always and no matter what. Really that is all people search in relationships, someone to love them unconditionally, some one not looking for an angel but willing to be with you flaws and all. Some one to put your needs ahead of not only theirs but everyone else’s needs. The more lifen throws at me the more I come to see that even this is a notion that is a mere facade and does not exist, not on this plane anyway. So a new lesson is slowly being embedded into my thick brain, that is only I can put myself first. Only I can love myself unconditionally and put my needs above the needs of all others.
“She looked on from her happy never after, her eyes like a window albiet foggy from the tears she was fighting back seeing things almost as clear as day as he carried on with his happy ever after.”