Bits of Luwi

Live, Laugh, Love….

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

Self Doubt

I always like to believe that I should have no regrets in life but take each stumbling block or triumph as a lesson learnt for how to do better next time. Except of late I have found myself somewhat reliving the past and wondering to myself wait wasn’t this lesson already imprinted on me?? What does it all mean? that I didn’t learn the first time around?? I kinda feel like I’m in an episode of Being Erica (Thanks Canada for that one) where she doesn’t learn the lesson till like 3 episodes later.  I don’t know ey but time and time again I always feel that we should not hurt the people we love cause when they hurt we hurt too and in the worst way possible because we know the pain they are feeling was as a result of something we did to them. And yet as humans we have become quite accustomed to the cycle that is hurting each other. Except we don’t realise that sometimes when we hurt people we drive them to do unspeakable things. A story is told of the girl who would give herself little cuts on her arms cause she felt that watching the blood flow out of her made her feel that she was releasing whatever pain she felt and she would feel better. Or the girl whose depression would led her on  diet  so drastic in a bid to change because she felt it was the only way to move on from the pain but all she would get is a hospital bed instead. No need for your alarm bells to ring, I am not on the brink of depression that would lead to drastic actions or me hurting myself. Periods of pain for me usually entail me throwing my attention on something that will get my mind off the hurt and pain and the results well a couple of A’s on my transcript. I tend to switch off on the world especially on the source of the said pain cause thats the only way I know how to deal, take the source of pain out and pain goes away right?? Well thats how younger me used to deal but then I grew up and decided to face my issues head on. However, honestly as I grow older, I feel I should obtain a bit more introsepction and clarity on certiain sitiations but sadly I find that as I am trying to learn but I am finding it harder with each life lesson that comes my way. I am finding it difficult to understand human beings and why we do what we do. So when I hurt, I have a lot of self doubt within me thinking that its probably my fault whatever lessons I have learned in the past are thrown out the window, and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry…. so until I am out of said corner….xoxo

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