Bits of Luwi

Live, Laugh, Love….

Chin Up!

This something I have had to tell myself a lot in the past week. Chin Up, Lweendo, everything will be fine. I don’t know whether in life these little self assurances really do make us feel better or its just a state of mind that helps us get through a bad patch. Either way, we tell ourselves these little mantras (wait, is that what they are called) no, I mean self motivational quotes ‘its always darkest before the dawn’ ‘for you to get a rainbow, there must be rain’, ‘when a door closes, a window somewhere opens’. Anyway I’m not one to dwell much on self motivation but today I find myself saying to myself, all will be well, he’ll never let a righteous tear fall to the ground in pain, so chin up and smile :). 

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Self Doubt

I always like to believe that I should have no regrets in life but take each stumbling block or triumph as a lesson learnt for how to do better next time. Except of late I have found myself somewhat reliving the past and wondering to myself wait wasn’t this lesson already imprinted on me?? What does it all mean? that I didn’t learn the first time around?? I kinda feel like I’m in an episode of Being Erica (Thanks Canada for that one) where she doesn’t learn the lesson till like 3 episodes later.  I don’t know ey but time and time again I always feel that we should not hurt the people we love cause when they hurt we hurt too and in the worst way possible because we know the pain they are feeling was as a result of something we did to them. And yet as humans we have become quite accustomed to the cycle that is hurting each other. Except we don’t realise that sometimes when we hurt people we drive them to do unspeakable things. A story is told of the girl who would give herself little cuts on her arms cause she felt that watching the blood flow out of her made her feel that she was releasing whatever pain she felt and she would feel better. Or the girl whose depression would led her on  diet  so drastic in a bid to change because she felt it was the only way to move on from the pain but all she would get is a hospital bed instead. No need for your alarm bells to ring, I am not on the brink of depression that would lead to drastic actions or me hurting myself. Periods of pain for me usually entail me throwing my attention on something that will get my mind off the hurt and pain and the results well a couple of A’s on my transcript. I tend to switch off on the world especially on the source of the said pain cause thats the only way I know how to deal, take the source of pain out and pain goes away right?? Well thats how younger me used to deal but then I grew up and decided to face my issues head on. However, honestly as I grow older, I feel I should obtain a bit more introsepction and clarity on certiain sitiations but sadly I find that as I am trying to learn but I am finding it harder with each life lesson that comes my way. I am finding it difficult to understand human beings and why we do what we do. So when I hurt, I have a lot of self doubt within me thinking that its probably my fault whatever lessons I have learned in the past are thrown out the window, and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry…. so until I am out of said corner….xoxo

A year older a year wiser??

So today is my twenty-*truck passes by* lol birthday and I always regard this as the bench mark to look back  (as opposed to January 1) on whether I have achieved all my resolutions and whether my I am proud of the choices I have made in the past year. I also use it to set new goals and make new resolutions wait are those one and the same thing?? lol

Anyway so today is le big day and looking back my life has changed in a lot of ways. I can’t say I have achieved all I wanted to do by this time but nonetheless, I have achieved and so much has happening this year both good and bad

This year I graduated from University with an LLB and got accepted to prepare for my bar exam.

This year I moved out of my fathers house and became semi-independent

This year new bonds have been forged, bonds I will forever be grateful for.

This year, I have mourned for the loss of family and friends RIP

This year I lost what I perceived was my great love.

This year I realised how perfectly imperfect I am 🙂

This year I fought with my best friends (yes I have two)

This year I made up with my best friends

This year I loved and lost

This year I made my family proud

This year I grew up.

I look back and wonder now that I am a year older and supposedly a year wiser, I wonder if I would do anything differently, am I really a year wiser??

Happy Birthday to me 🙂 images

GiziGear

When you purchase a smartphone, even a ‘dumbphone’, its usefulness is most likely to be determined by the availability of apps (applications) that you use daily for its respective platform e.g. iOS, Android, etc, and how many you can cram onto the storage space available on your phone.

All original equipment manufacturers (OEMs) or simply smartphone makers will always point out the plethora of apps you can download onto the said device while marketing it. Fact is they will all boast variety but in what is apparently a game of numbers; some are not exactly being truthful.

Based on which smartphone OS it is you are looking to buy into or have already, chances are all the basic needs are covered. Social networking apps like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn;  productivity apps such as OneNote, weather apps, stock apps; your gaming apps, educational apps, these are all likely to be there. This…

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GiziGear

Through the LogicGate

Ask any middle aged Zambian which is the best smartphone to own and the answer 7 out of 10 people will say a Blackberry. If you ask them further as to why, they will say that a blackberry is the most affordable smartphone to keep online through cheap monthly subscriptions.  Sixty thousand kwacha or less gets access to the exclusive world of blackberry messenger and also instant push email. Built mainly for the corporate enterprise, these devices have taken over mainstream phones and are the top selling smart phone in Africa.

So you’re planning to purchase a new blackberry, either an upgrade or a new toy to stay connected to your follower bbm’ers, twitter followers and Facebook friends but you are torn between a compact looking 9220 Curve and that shiny metallic Bold 9900? What to do? Which to pick?

Physical Design & Display

 

Both phones are…

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Broken

Tearing everything up so as to begin anew

Trying to hold on to what was because even if it hurts, it brings comfort
Knowing that letting go and admitting the pain is the only way to rebuild
Feeling, love, hate, hurt, remorse, pain, regret, joy
Wondering how it is possible for one to harbour all these emotions
Thinking of the masterpiece that could have been
Soaring above the greyest clouds
Walking on sunshine even on the darkest of days
Wishing one was more guarded and not such an open book
Dreaming of a future where everything is black and white with no traces of grey
Torn between the decisions of the heart and the mind
Praying but hoping that prayers remain unanswered
Taking time to sow hoping to reap in the future
Asking for the patience to reap what has been sown
Waiting for a knight to come and save the day
Knowing that the wait may last a while
Staring at a sink full of blood
Bearing through the pain hoping to find healing
Remembering that though lost for the moment, the way home is never forgotten.

In my eyes

In my eyes, a story is told. A story of how sad I am, how I just wanna cry out at the frustrations that the world will throw at me. A story of how happy I am and how I am bursting at the seams wanting to shout out my joy. In my eyes a story is always told. xx

Taking stock

Some people believe in looking back on the past chastising themselves for the things they feel they did wrong and thereafter trying to atone for the reproachable behavior , in as much as this may have worked for some people, it has never worked for me. I truly do well believe in the motto no regrets in life just lessons learned.

So for instance I was with someone for almost four years was convinced wedding bells were surley the next step that our relationship would take but life had other plans. I dont look back on that and say wow thats three years of my life I will never get back. No, but instead from each fight I took a lesson, from each kind gesture I took away a lesson , from each episode of mistrust, I took away a lesson. 

As for the accident that apparently should have ended my life (again, God has other plans) I took away vauable lessons about family and friendship.Yes, even one of the most horrific traumatising things to happen to me as an adolosecent I found a lesson to take away from. oh and that I should be more patient when crossing the road (LOL)

They (dont ask me who) say that the best person to give advice to someone is some one who experienced the issue first hand.They also say you cannot truly comfort a person unless you feel thier pain. I concur with them, who ever they are. I try as much as possible to limit the advice I give out to situations I have experienced myself, because I believe that you can never truly understand unless you can relate.

WAIT!!What was my point again?? or right, taking stock.  of what exactly?? your life, where it has been , where it seems to be headed, where you want it to be headed. it is very important to once in a while take stock of all the lessons learnt and put them to good use . People tend to do that at the end of every year and then give themselves resolutions which they never stick to and they end up disappointed with themselves at the end of the year and promise to do better the next year. Not me . So the next time you are asked why you doing something that you never did before or are going out of your way like never before, a good answer is always “People change , I have learned”

And as you take stock , you will realise that your life may not be working out the way YOU planned it, but thats ok :).xx

 

 

 

Happily Never After

“pick me, choose me, love me.” are the words she wanted to scream at him as she stood there before him, her world seemingly crashing around her, her heart beating so slow it was as if it would stop at any minute.

“Its you, it has always been you, and it will always be you” are the words she hoped she would hear him say but alas, they were not to come and so she turned and walked away into her happily never after.

Growing up, I must admit I was one of those kids that lived for the fairytale. Cinderella, Snow White, all spoke of personal pain and suffereing and happiness in the end. So naturally,  I was one of those kids that hoped to be rescued from my evilnstepmother or whatever bondage I had to unhappiness by my very own dashing prince charming and we would ride on in the sunset to our happily ever after. Not on a white horse of course but maybe in a ferarri. But sadly the bitch that is growing up makes you ralise that it is all but a dream. Plus I came to be realised that I was too fiercly stubborn and independent to be ummmm ‘rescued’.

So I grew up, but sadly instead of actually erasing the fairytale dream from my life, you would think that this was the end of my dependence on others and the birth of a fiercely independent female who needed noone for self validation, ego feeding and all that, but alas, I merely replaced it with the dream that one day someone would come into my life and put me first always and no matter what. Really that is all people search in relationships, someone to love them unconditionally, some one not looking for an angel but willing to be with you flaws and all. Some one to put your needs ahead of not only theirs but everyone else’s needs. The more lifen throws at me the more I come to see that even this is a notion that is a mere facade and does not exist, not on this plane anyway.  So a new lesson is slowly being embedded into my thick brain, that is only I can put myself first. Only I can love myself unconditionally and put my needs above the needs of all others.

“She looked on from her happy never after, her eyes like a window albiet foggy from the tears she was fighting back seeing things almost as clear as day as he carried on with his happy ever after.”

Filling Voids

The trend with life is that when something is lost or broken or stolen you replace it. You lose a pair of your favourite earrings, replace them with a new one, you break a glass or plate buy new ones, you lose your NRC, get it replaced. This in my opinion is simply because you do not want to have a gap in your life where you are without said things. Truth be told as they are material, it would be impossible for you to go through life without them without losing your mind. So fine go ahead and replace. For me the problem comes in when we try to apply those same principles to our relationships with other human beings. You get dumped, you get a rebound, your friend stops talking to you, you try to fill that gap with a new friend. It is rare that these people who I will refer to as ”void fillers” are in our lives long enough to make a lasting impression. More often than not they just end being a mere memory, a conversation filler that we chuckle at or the person we photo-shop out of pictures cause well, the sight of them makes your stomach get into all sorts of knots and twinge with regret. Sometimes, rarely though, the void filler comes into your life makes a lasting impression and stays there. But most of the time they end up hurt cause they were merely being used to fill the void left by someone else. You try to replace the person lost and more often than not, the said replacement is not up to par so we get bored and toss them to the side like yesterday’s lasagne. What is even more sad is that we end up hurting the person and try to justify it with the whole “some people come into your life for a reason, others for a season”.  My question then is do we really need the void filler in our lives?? Must the principle we use when we lose material things apply to our human relationships?? I think no. Its simple, in my opinion when you lose someone in your life take it as an opportunity to re-evaluate yourself and pin-point why you lost the person. This way when you do ‘replace’ the person, the replacement will be more than a void filler as you would have repaired whatever damage (if any) that was caused by the person you lost. So the next time you think of ‘replacing’ someone lost, ask yourself if that person is just a void filler or you genuinely want that person in your life. xx

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