Bits of Luwi

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Archive for the tag “life”

Woman Crush Wednesday – Lulu Haangala

So its day two of my zed blogger challenge and I thought its Wednesday what better to write about that a female who inspires me. Now I won’t pretend to be deep and all that picking on someone whose name I can’t pronounce or spell right. No. I have decided to pick someone close to home. My big sister the beautiful 🙂 Luyando Haangala.. 

To some she is just some annoying loud little girl who jumps up and down in front of a camera making noise, to others she is a person they look at in awe and aspire to be like but for me she is my sister who is an amazing Mother to an even more amazing little girl, she is an amazing friend and she is an even more amazing sister.

the gorgeous Asante

What is so inspiring about her you may wonder? Her story. She may be an annoying loud little girl who jumps up and down in front of a camera making noise, but she had a dream to get behind the camera and she worked hard until she got that dream. I would like to go into depth about her struggle to get where she is today which is as one of the few delegates selected to the Washington Young African Leaders Fellowship, but I am not sure she would permit me to do so. She is probably saving that for her memoirs and I would not want to preempt that ;-). 

I remember her singing when she was 5 years old, in an off key voice of course (not every 5 year old is blessed with talent at that early age) but she knew what she wanted and guess what that 5 year old ended up being invited to sing for Zambia’s 1st Republican President!!!

the five year old with a voice that sings off key and a dream!!!

When she came back to Zambia, she had a dream of a future she wanted, many looked at her as a dreamer, others, laughed her off, others helped 🙂 and now she is slowly but surely watching her dreams come to light. 

Walt Disney said “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” I am grateful for my sister because she gives me the courage to pursue my dreams. She truly makes me believe that impossible is nothing. 

My name is Lweendo and I am a Zed Blogger x

zed blogger

Refuge

I dont know where to start this post from to be honest. I havent blogged in a while because well so much has been going on in my life most of which I wanted to keep to myself and you know how they say ‘a good writer, will always write what they know’ or someyhing like that. . And as a person who found solace in writing, you can imagine what I kept bottled up.  I scribbled here and there but it was never enough.
Anyway, like I said so I much has happened in my life in this past year and I have had a lot of shoulda woulda coulda moments. To say its been a bitter-sweet year would be grossly understating the fact. For the longest time I felt alone and like I couldnt turn to anyone.  My life was somewhat spiralling, my emotional health something to be desired. All I wanted was refuge, someone who could be there for me without judgement, no questions asked anytime of the day but the one person I thought could be my refuge could not be my refuge anymore. And it was quite a rocky road I was on.
I have done alot in my life. Some things I’m not so proud of others make me beam just at the thought of them. Hurt some people, gotten hurt along the way but I guess such is the cycle of life and growth. I grew alot this year and it wasn’t easy to accept certain things in my life happened for a reason, so I prayed about it and moved on… I feel like I’m rambling and not making much sense now lol..
And then on 25 th september my life changed. My refuge was born. My son,my whole life. . Now I know what you are thinking how is this refuge? He cant exactly talk back to me when I need to talk to be someone but whenever I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders I look at him and the tears disappear and so does the heaviness in my heart. I may have done alot of wrong things in my life but out of all the wrong he is the one thing I feel I got spot on. My refuge is heaven sent♥

Chin Up!

This something I have had to tell myself a lot in the past week. Chin Up, Lweendo, everything will be fine. I don’t know whether in life these little self assurances really do make us feel better or its just a state of mind that helps us get through a bad patch. Either way, we tell ourselves these little mantras (wait, is that what they are called) no, I mean self motivational quotes ‘its always darkest before the dawn’ ‘for you to get a rainbow, there must be rain’, ‘when a door closes, a window somewhere opens’. Anyway I’m not one to dwell much on self motivation but today I find myself saying to myself, all will be well, he’ll never let a righteous tear fall to the ground in pain, so chin up and smile :). 

Self Doubt

I always like to believe that I should have no regrets in life but take each stumbling block or triumph as a lesson learnt for how to do better next time. Except of late I have found myself somewhat reliving the past and wondering to myself wait wasn’t this lesson already imprinted on me?? What does it all mean? that I didn’t learn the first time around?? I kinda feel like I’m in an episode of Being Erica (Thanks Canada for that one) where she doesn’t learn the lesson till like 3 episodes later.  I don’t know ey but time and time again I always feel that we should not hurt the people we love cause when they hurt we hurt too and in the worst way possible because we know the pain they are feeling was as a result of something we did to them. And yet as humans we have become quite accustomed to the cycle that is hurting each other. Except we don’t realise that sometimes when we hurt people we drive them to do unspeakable things. A story is told of the girl who would give herself little cuts on her arms cause she felt that watching the blood flow out of her made her feel that she was releasing whatever pain she felt and she would feel better. Or the girl whose depression would led her on  diet  so drastic in a bid to change because she felt it was the only way to move on from the pain but all she would get is a hospital bed instead. No need for your alarm bells to ring, I am not on the brink of depression that would lead to drastic actions or me hurting myself. Periods of pain for me usually entail me throwing my attention on something that will get my mind off the hurt and pain and the results well a couple of A’s on my transcript. I tend to switch off on the world especially on the source of the said pain cause thats the only way I know how to deal, take the source of pain out and pain goes away right?? Well thats how younger me used to deal but then I grew up and decided to face my issues head on. However, honestly as I grow older, I feel I should obtain a bit more introsepction and clarity on certiain sitiations but sadly I find that as I am trying to learn but I am finding it harder with each life lesson that comes my way. I am finding it difficult to understand human beings and why we do what we do. So when I hurt, I have a lot of self doubt within me thinking that its probably my fault whatever lessons I have learned in the past are thrown out the window, and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry…. so until I am out of said corner….xoxo

Taking stock

Some people believe in looking back on the past chastising themselves for the things they feel they did wrong and thereafter trying to atone for the reproachable behavior , in as much as this may have worked for some people, it has never worked for me. I truly do well believe in the motto no regrets in life just lessons learned.

So for instance I was with someone for almost four years was convinced wedding bells were surley the next step that our relationship would take but life had other plans. I dont look back on that and say wow thats three years of my life I will never get back. No, but instead from each fight I took a lesson, from each kind gesture I took away a lesson , from each episode of mistrust, I took away a lesson. 

As for the accident that apparently should have ended my life (again, God has other plans) I took away vauable lessons about family and friendship.Yes, even one of the most horrific traumatising things to happen to me as an adolosecent I found a lesson to take away from. oh and that I should be more patient when crossing the road (LOL)

They (dont ask me who) say that the best person to give advice to someone is some one who experienced the issue first hand.They also say you cannot truly comfort a person unless you feel thier pain. I concur with them, who ever they are. I try as much as possible to limit the advice I give out to situations I have experienced myself, because I believe that you can never truly understand unless you can relate.

WAIT!!What was my point again?? or right, taking stock.  of what exactly?? your life, where it has been , where it seems to be headed, where you want it to be headed. it is very important to once in a while take stock of all the lessons learnt and put them to good use . People tend to do that at the end of every year and then give themselves resolutions which they never stick to and they end up disappointed with themselves at the end of the year and promise to do better the next year. Not me . So the next time you are asked why you doing something that you never did before or are going out of your way like never before, a good answer is always “People change , I have learned”

And as you take stock , you will realise that your life may not be working out the way YOU planned it, but thats ok :).xx

 

 

 

Happily Never After

“pick me, choose me, love me.” are the words she wanted to scream at him as she stood there before him, her world seemingly crashing around her, her heart beating so slow it was as if it would stop at any minute.

“Its you, it has always been you, and it will always be you” are the words she hoped she would hear him say but alas, they were not to come and so she turned and walked away into her happily never after.

Growing up, I must admit I was one of those kids that lived for the fairytale. Cinderella, Snow White, all spoke of personal pain and suffereing and happiness in the end. So naturally,  I was one of those kids that hoped to be rescued from my evilnstepmother or whatever bondage I had to unhappiness by my very own dashing prince charming and we would ride on in the sunset to our happily ever after. Not on a white horse of course but maybe in a ferarri. But sadly the bitch that is growing up makes you ralise that it is all but a dream. Plus I came to be realised that I was too fiercly stubborn and independent to be ummmm ‘rescued’.

So I grew up, but sadly instead of actually erasing the fairytale dream from my life, you would think that this was the end of my dependence on others and the birth of a fiercely independent female who needed noone for self validation, ego feeding and all that, but alas, I merely replaced it with the dream that one day someone would come into my life and put me first always and no matter what. Really that is all people search in relationships, someone to love them unconditionally, some one not looking for an angel but willing to be with you flaws and all. Some one to put your needs ahead of not only theirs but everyone else’s needs. The more lifen throws at me the more I come to see that even this is a notion that is a mere facade and does not exist, not on this plane anyway.  So a new lesson is slowly being embedded into my thick brain, that is only I can put myself first. Only I can love myself unconditionally and put my needs above the needs of all others.

“She looked on from her happy never after, her eyes like a window albiet foggy from the tears she was fighting back seeing things almost as clear as day as he carried on with his happy ever after.”

Filling Voids

The trend with life is that when something is lost or broken or stolen you replace it. You lose a pair of your favourite earrings, replace them with a new one, you break a glass or plate buy new ones, you lose your NRC, get it replaced. This in my opinion is simply because you do not want to have a gap in your life where you are without said things. Truth be told as they are material, it would be impossible for you to go through life without them without losing your mind. So fine go ahead and replace. For me the problem comes in when we try to apply those same principles to our relationships with other human beings. You get dumped, you get a rebound, your friend stops talking to you, you try to fill that gap with a new friend. It is rare that these people who I will refer to as ”void fillers” are in our lives long enough to make a lasting impression. More often than not they just end being a mere memory, a conversation filler that we chuckle at or the person we photo-shop out of pictures cause well, the sight of them makes your stomach get into all sorts of knots and twinge with regret. Sometimes, rarely though, the void filler comes into your life makes a lasting impression and stays there. But most of the time they end up hurt cause they were merely being used to fill the void left by someone else. You try to replace the person lost and more often than not, the said replacement is not up to par so we get bored and toss them to the side like yesterday’s lasagne. What is even more sad is that we end up hurting the person and try to justify it with the whole “some people come into your life for a reason, others for a season”.  My question then is do we really need the void filler in our lives?? Must the principle we use when we lose material things apply to our human relationships?? I think no. Its simple, in my opinion when you lose someone in your life take it as an opportunity to re-evaluate yourself and pin-point why you lost the person. This way when you do ‘replace’ the person, the replacement will be more than a void filler as you would have repaired whatever damage (if any) that was caused by the person you lost. So the next time you think of ‘replacing’ someone lost, ask yourself if that person is just a void filler or you genuinely want that person in your life. xx

Back to the future

 

When I was younger the title of this movie amused me greatly because you see to the mind of a ten year old it made no sense to go back into the future. And then as one gets older and learns about oxymoron and metaphors and all that, one pretends to begin to understand. Over the past few years when asked if I had a chance to relive my life given what I know now, would I change anything? I would always answer without hesitation and with great conviction a big fat NO! you know the usual clichĂ©s about lessons learned from mistakes and so on and so forth, but now I stop for a second to think, if I had a DoLorean DMC 12 with no rules as to how what I change in the past will affect my future,would I really change nothing at all. To say I wouldn’t would be far from the truth. For starters I would move in time to not get hit by that car and have an accident that almost left me paralysed (God loves me), and I suppose there are certain people in my life I wish I had met earlier and I would make it happen, you know the people you know now that make you sing Rihanna’s where have you been all my life at the top of your voice without a care in the world, yes those people I would make it so that I do not have to sing that song. Also there is a bad decision here and there that I’m certain if I had the chance I would do things differently, a relationship here and there that I would have worked harder to keep or not wasted my time on. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I have lived a life full of regrettable decisions that I would change within a blink of an eye, no. Truth be told, I am a firm believer in the saying “no regrets in life just lessons learned”, but All I am asking is would you really change nothing at all?? given the chance with no consequences?? would you really pass it up. I know I wouldn’t. xx

 

 

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

Am I as relevant as I think?

If I had to die today what would your fondest memory of me be??

Have I created enough memories with my loved ones?

Is my life headed in the right direction?

Am I capable of handling failure?

What if I disappoint the people who have so much faith in me?

These are thoughts that make me anxious about life generally and the all so important what is my purpose in this life? Do I even have a purpose.

No this is not gonna be a deep insightful blog attempting to answer all the thoughts crowding my head at the moment but instead I will say the road not taken may be the road regretted.

I am not making much sense am I? All I am trying to say is that as human beings, we let our fears hold us back and that may sometimes keep us from reaching our full potential. It is only human to have certain fears about life and the uncertainty to overcome, but what defines us is overcoming those fears and fulfilling no, not our destinies I am still uncertain as to what that is, but our potential.  As the Latin Poet Horace once wrote Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero. I am off to carpe diem this thursday 🙂 xx

Weekly Photo Challenge : Today

I promise I did not cheat on the photo challenge. LOL. I did take this photo on the day of the challenge 1st June, except because of the time difference by the time I got the challenge, it was evening in my country. I took a shot anyway but I wanted to wait to get a better picture but then I was like what the hell.. Plus I didnt have the time to get a better picture so here it is.

this is the entrance of my University.. I know you cant make out much but yeah I promise you it is.. LOL

The day I got the e-mail on the challenge I was feeling all kinds of emotions with my last exam about 48 hours away.. I felt like I was about to say goodbye to something that had been part of my life for an extremely long time, memories have been made along with new friends and heartbreaks have been suffered. tears have been shed and laughter has been shared.. They say your college days are the best days of your life, I could not agree more..

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